Fighting to Survive (Guarded Hearts Book 3) Read online

  When I look up, I see Shawn staring at me and instantly feel my cheeks heat up. When I look back at Holly, she has an expression on her face which tells me she knows something is going on. Holly throws her hands up in the air. “Okay, enough! It was my idea and I didn’t even tell them where I was taking them. So both of you boys need to get over it and leave them alone. I heard about the fights a couple weeks ago before school started and decided that’s what I wanted to do for my birthday.”

  Carter jumps up and stalks over to Holly. I don’t know how she’s still so confident, he isn’t even looking at me and I want to run and hide. “Do you even understand how irresponsible and reckless going to a place like that without us was? Anything could have happened!”

  “Like what, Carter? We’re all big girls, you know. We stayed together the entire time and left when it was over. Trust me, if I wanted to run away with a tattooed biker named Spike I wouldn’t need to go to The Circle to do it! You are not my father and you do not get to tell me what to do. I’m leaving now, and just to piss you off, I’m not texting you to let you know I got home safe!” She storms out of the apartment and leaves me standing here in limbo. I don’t have enough courage to look Carter or Jason in the eyes, so I mumble a quick goodbye to the girls and follow her out.

  I catch up to her about halfway to the car. “I can’t believe you just left me standing there!”

  She laughs and then looks over at me. “Sorry, girl, but he makes me so mad sometimes. He thinks because my dad isn’t here it gives him the right to be my boss. I can’t even talk to a guy on campus without one of them trying to intervene. Speaking of guys, what the hell was up with you going all blushing, giggly girl when Shawn looked at you?”

  Shit. I knew she noticed. “Um…”

  “Christen!” I look toward the voice and see Shawn jogging up to us. When I look back at Holly, she has her eyebrow raised as if to ask me what’s going on. I turn toward Shawn just as he reaches us. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute? I’ll drive you home afterward so Holly doesn’t have to wait.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Holly opens her car door and gives me a knowing smile. “I’ll see you in a little bit, mama. Bye, Shawn.”

  “My truck is over there.” He tilts his head to gesture across the parking lot. We start walking to his truck and the awkwardness settles in. “I’m actually kind of hungry. Would you want to go get something to eat?”

  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  We get into his truck and he pulls out of the lot. I look over at him and see that he had cleaned up and changed after the fight. I’ve had a thing for Shawn ever since I first met him, and looking at him now is only making my attraction more intense. He must have showered before we got home because his hair is still damp. His chiseled jaw is tight with either nervousness or anger, and I’m hoping it’s the first option. He turns his head toward me and I quickly look away, not wanting to get caught staring even though I probably already have.

  We pull into the diner, walk in, and sit at one of the booths in the back. The waitress comes to take our drink orders and gives us some menus. We sit in silence as we look over our menus. Honestly, I have no idea what to say to him. After we place our order, I know I need to break the silence somehow.

  “I’m sorry for tonight—” we both say in unison, and then look at each other in confusion.

  “Wait, Christen, I know why I’m sorry, but what the hell are you apologizing for?”

  Why is he sorry? I’m the one who barged in on him. “I shouldn’t have followed you back there. I know you probably needed your space after the fight, and I caught you at a weird time. I’m sorry for just busting in.”

  He shakes his head and laughs. “I appreciate that you came back ‘cause you wanted to see if I was okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re right, I was upset. I hate doing that all the time, but it’s an unavoidable necessity right now. I’m sorry I took advantage of you and then stormed out afterward. I’m normally not like that, and I don’t want you to think I was just using you. I never should have done what I did—you didn’t deserve it.”

  I don’t regret the kiss at all, and it hurts me that he does. I have no idea what to say to him right now.

  “Listen, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just want you to know things are still going to be the same as they were before.”

  I look up at him and he’s playing with his fork. “What if I don’t want them to be?” My voice is so quiet, I’m surprised he even hears it.

  He lifts his head and his eyes meet mine. “What do you mean?”

  “Maybe I don’t want to forget it happened.” I can’t believe I’m sitting here and saying this to him. I’m never this forward with guys.

  “It’s been a really long night, and I’m exhausted. What are you saying? Please clarify because I really don’t want to make a wrong assumption.”

  I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to pretend like it never happened. I didn’t go back there to try to hit on you, but I definitely don’t regret it. I’ve had a crush on you since last year, and when you kissed me tonight it was amazing. I hope I’m not making an idiot of myself right now, but I would like to see where this thing goes.”

  He looks at me for what feels like forever, until the waitress brings out our food. We sit in silence the entire time while we eat, and by we, I mean him. I can barely touch my food because of the growing pit in my stomach. After he’s done eating, he pays the bill and we walk back out to the car. He still hasn’t said anything and I can feel the growing need to curl up in a ball of shame and cry.

  I practically jump out of the car and run to the door when we pull up to the house. Just as I’m about to turn the knob, I feel a set of hands grab my hips and I let out a shriek. I turn my head to the side and Shawn’s face is only an inch from mine. My heartbeat immediately speeds up, having him this close to me with his hands where they are is torture.

  “What if we give this a try and it doesn’t work?” he whispers in my ear, his hot breath giving me goose bumps all over.

  “What if we give it a try and it does?” His fingers dig into my hipbones in response. I turn to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  He walks me backward, presses me against the door, and kisses me. His lips are so soft and his tongue immediately finds its way into my mouth. He completely dominates me the same way he had earlier. When he pulls away, I can barely catch my breath.

  “Okay, let’s give it a try.”

  When I look into his eyes, he gives me a smile and then walks back to his truck. I stand there like an idiot until he pulls away and turns the corner. Before I can even reach the handle of the door, it flies open and Holly is standing there.

  “Holy shit, that was hot.”

  She grabs my hand and pulls me into the house. When we get to the living room, I see Nicole is home, too, and has just as big of a smile on her face. Privacy is so not something you can have when you live with your best friends.

  After living through the Spanish Inquisition and taking a shower, I’m lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. All I can think of is Shawn and the way he kissed me earlier. I can hear my phone buzzing on the end table and reach over to grab it.

  Shawn: Goodnight beautiful.

  I smile so big I feel like one of those creepy clown dolls. Should I reply to him? What the heck do I say to that? I decide to text him back a simple goodnight with a smiley face. As soon as I hit send I regret it. A smiley face? What am I, in high school? My phone buzzes again.

  Shawn: Do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow? My classes are done at 1.

  Me: Ok, do you want to meet at the fountain?

  Shawn: Sure, I’ll see you then, Princess.

  Princess? Holly and the girls usually call me Princess as a joke. I’m really not sure how I feel about Shawn calling me that. It’s the girls’ way of making fun of me for having money growing up. To anyone on the outside I probably look like the picture of a trust fund bab
y. My mom and dad definitely have a lot of money, and I do have a trust fund, but I try not to live like it. I haven’t ever touched my trust fund, and even though my dad deposits an obnoxious amount of money into my bank account on a regular basis, I don’t use most of it.

  Growing up in my house was easy financially, but that was about the only easy part. My parents constantly fought with each other, and it only stopped when they both started seeing other people on the side. They kept up appearances at the country club my dad belonged to because public image was everything to my mother. I was told on a daily basis how my most important job was to find a suitable husband who came from a “good” family. The fact that I actually want to get an education and work for a living drives my mother insane.

  I dread having to go home for break because I know that’s all she is going to talk about. ‘Why are you wasting your time at school, Cece?’ ‘Why don’t you come to the club more, Cece?’ ‘Cece, Scott Jameson is a perfect match for you.’ My mother insists on calling me Cece and pushing me on Scott, who in my opinion, is slimier than a slug. Every time my parents force me to go to the club with them, we just ‘happen’ to run into him.

  I decide to go to bed hoping that it will give me some break from my own thoughts. The entire time I’m trying to fall asleep, all I can think of is Shawn and what might happen tomorrow.

  Chapter Three

  Shawn

  “So, you’re really going to try to start something with her? You know if you screw it up Holly is going to beat your ass, Christen is like her sister.”

  “Thanks for the pep talk, J, you really know how to build a brother up.” I came to Jason for advice on how to handle this whole relationship thing. The reason I came to him is because he’s the last person I could ever see making one work, yet somehow he did. I think the main reason for that is Nicole. She always calls him on his shit and doesn’t let him get away with half of what he’s used to doing.

  “Listen, I’m just telling you to be careful. I know the pressure because Mads gave me the threatening talk when I started dating Nic.” We all thought he would screw it up, which would have been bad for everyone involved. He and Nicole still aren’t home free. All of the drama of having his mom be such a presence is not easy on them. Jason hasn’t been back to Nicole’s house, and neither has she, since the night they figured out who her stepmother is.

  As we’re walking up to the fountain where I’m meeting Christen, we see Nicole in a heated “discussion” with Stacey. We both look at each other, knowing there’s no way this will end well. Stacey has tried to break up Nicole and Jason multiple times, so saying that they have issues is an understatement.

  “Hey, guys, what’s going on?” Mads walks up and when she sees what we’re watching she just sighs. “What the hell is she doing? She’s just as bad as Alyssa! I don’t understand what it is about girls at this school not getting the message when a guy is taken.” Before I can even reply, Nicole lunges at Stacey and they start to roll around on the ground. We’re all speechless for a few seconds before Mads speaks up. “J, why are you still standing here? Go do something!”

  Jason just laughs. “I’m about to take out my phone and record this. Nicole looks damn hot.” Before he can say anything else, Mads punches him in the chest

  “Jason Smith, stop being a douchebag and go help her!”

  “Okay, okay. If you ask me, Nicole doesn’t look like the one in need of help.” They both jog over to where the girls are still fighting. Right now, Nicole is sitting on top of Stacey and pulling out what I can only hope isn’t her real hair.

  I don’t even notice Christen standing next to me until she starts talking. “Oh my God! What the heck is going on?” I turn to answer her but lose my words once I see her. She’s standing there, staring at the scene which is still unfolding, and it amazes me that I never realized how beautiful she is until now. Her long blonde hair is down and curled, and she’s wearing a light pink dress. It hugs all of her curves in every way, and I suddenly feel the need to cover her up with the sweatshirt I have in my bag.

  She waves her hand in front of my face, and I realize I’ve just been standing here staring at her. “Um, I have no idea. J and I walked up just as they started going at it.

  “Should we go over there?”

  The last thing I want to do was to go hang out with everyone right now. Especially knowing Nic is probably going to be in a bad mood. The girl is hell on wheels when she’s not happy. “No, Mads will help J with her. Let’s go grab lunch.”

  We start walking toward the dining hall together and I find myself reaching out for her hand. I can’t believe how nervous I am right now. I’ve known Christen for a couple of months, but I’ve been so distracted with trying to keep my secret I never really noticed her. When we arrive at the dining hall we get our food and sit down.

  The awkward silence sets in and I have no idea what to say. Jason is always the flirt and Carter is always the nice guy who can talk to any girl. I’m usually just the quiet one who occasionally laughs at their jokes and blends into the background. From what I know about Christen, the girls always tease her about being spoiled and Carter told me her dad is some big business man.

  “So, aside from school and the fights, what else do you like to do?”

  “Um, not really anything special. I played football in high school, but with my classes right now, I really don’t have much time to do anything else. The pre-med classes really require a lot of work and then I have to fight just to be able to pay for them.”

  “I remember you saying that the other night. Can’t you get financial aid?”

  “I do get aid, but it isn’t enough, and my family really can’t help me pay for school. I’ve tried to get loans, but I would need a cosigner and my parents’ credit score isn’t high enough.” Admitting this definitely isn’t easy. I hate that I’m in this situation and I hate lying to my family even more.

  “So—”

  My phone starts to ring, and when I look down, I see that it’s Paul. He runs the fights and usually only calls once he has a time and a place. “Hello?”

  “Hey, come to the warehouse tonight at 8.”

  Before I can even respond he hangs up. I look back up at Christen. “Sorry, that was, um…” This is the point where I would usually make up a lie, and then come up with an excuse to leave. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to be able to be honest with her and everyone else. “That was the guy who runs the fights. He was letting me know that there’s one tonight.”

  She seems as if she doesn’t know how to react. “Oh, are you going to go? Do you think I could come with you?”

  I choke on the soda I’m drinking. “What?”

  Before she can respond, Jason, Nicole, Maddy, Carter, and Holly all walk up together and sit down. Jason smirks at me. “So, how is the first date, love birds?”

  “Better until you showed up, jackass.” Everyone laughs, but I’m serious. I can’t believe they are actually crashing our first date.

  “Whatever, dude, you know you still love me.” He takes a bite of his burger that’s so big I honestly don’t know how he’s able to close his mouth. “You gonna be around tonight?”

  I catch myself about to lie and say I have a study group, but decide to go with the truth. “No, I just got a call for a fight.”

  Everyone turns toward me and stares before Nicole breaks the silence. “Cool, I’m there.”

  “Excuse me, Nic? You are not going.” Jason continues to eat his burger and I can basically see the steam coming out of Nicole’s ears. Here we go.

  “What do you mean I’m not going?! I didn’t ask for, and I definitely don’t need, your permission! I will do what I want when I want.”

  I can see J getting more aggravated. “Listen, just ‘cause you beat the crap out of Stacey doesn’t mean you can start going to the fights. You are not going, Nic, and that’s the end of it.” She starts to respond but J shoots her a look which would have made me shut up if it had been aimed a
t me. It’s clear he won this argument, but he will probably be paying for it later tonight.

  “Before you even say anything, Maddy, you’re not going, either,” Carter says without even looking up from his plate.

  She holds her hands up in surrender. “Hey, I wasn’t even going to try. Good luck, though, Shawn.”

  “Thanks, Mads.”

  “Well, since I don’t have to answer to either of you cavemen, maybe I’ll go.” Carter and Jason’s heads both swing in Holly’s direction.

  “Like hell you are,” Carter says. He’s always been really protective over Holly—we all have.

  “You are not my father, Carter, and you can’t—”

  “I may not be your father, Holly, but there is no way in hell you are going there, even if I have to tie your ass to a chair.”

  Holly starts laughing and we all look at her like she’s losing her mind. “Chill out! I wasn’t really going to go, I just wanted to see you freak out. If I did want to, though, I would.” She stands up from the table. “However, I have a date tonight.”

  I think Carter’s mouth drops open so much it almost hits the floor. “With who?”

  “None of your business.”

  “It definitely is my business, Holly. Who is he and how do you know him?”

  “Jesus, Carter, you really need to calm down. His name is Josh and I met him online.”

  That’s it. Carter’s face is so red I think he’s actually going to burst a blood vessel, or have a heart attack. “Online? So you don’t even know him? Are you stupid? Don’t you know what could happen?”

  “Ugh! God! I’m not meeting him anywhere. It’s an online date—we are just signing on at the same time to talk.” Carter and J both look at each other and start laughing hysterically. “What is so funny?”